“Off-white”
So by now, I’m sure that you’ve seen the BIG NEWS:
I’m happily divorced.
Let’s be clear, divorce has not been EASY AT ALL. In fact, it’s been extremely painful and expensive. It’s taken a toll on my health, my bank account, and my time. But I had to do what was best for me, considering the circumstances that I was up against.
Infidelity sucks fam. And because of everything that I had sacrificed in my marriage (really being in the entire relationship for seven years) and all that I have been through, up to July 4th, 2020, when I found out that my ex-husband cheated (as well as some other things that I found out and he failed to tell me, but managed to confess to others), I felt ashamed that I wanted to walk away. Because I know that God HATES divorce. However, Biblically, I had EVERY RIGHT to walk away. And so, I did🤷🏾♀️
I NEVER wanted a divorce. I didn’t believe in divorce. I went into my marriage with the most optimism ever. And then, things changed.
And before I knew it, I had turned into this pitiful, I’ll do anything to make this work, miserable, super depressed, wife. I didn’t even recognize myself. I had done all that I knew to do. Counseling. Prayer. Patience. Love. And in the end, he STILL cheated. I even almost allowed this man to set me up and ruin my future. I was left with lies, betrayal, unpaid bills, and no apology. Even STILL, to this very day, he has not called, texted, nothing. I was abandoned, misled, and left to figure the rest of my life out, by myself.
Which is why the Off-White Jordan 4’s MEAN SO MUCH to me. It’s a symbolism of how I felt during these past 6 months. My faith in Christ has been, and ALWAYS WILL BE, solid. However, I didn’t feel like much of a daughter during this process. I couldn’t understand why God allowed this to happen. I became sad and confused, because I couldn’t bring myself to feel justified, even though the Word of God was on my side about divorcing this man. I felt worthless and tainted. What do I do now God? Who’s going to want a washed up, reject of a wife? I’m stained with heartbreak, embarrassment from wasting people’s time with my wedding, and lost time that I can NEVER get back. If my own husband would betray me, try to set me up, lie, and cheat on me…then there has to be something wrong with ME. I didn’t feel “white as snow.” I felt “off white.” Hence, why I chose this shoe.
And so, here I am, 6 months later. I’ve had health challenges that I’ve had to work through. I’ve had some financial hardships to endure. And my mental health has been the number one priority since I made the decision to leave that marriage.
I’m sad that it took for him to cheat and do other inappropriate things, that resulted in a divorce. But I’m extremely happy that I’ve been able to be MYSELF again. To get back on my original and purposeful path. Everything looks and feels new. It’s like a HUGE weight had been lifted the day I was granted a divorce. I made it to see another new year. And for the first time in SEVEN ENTIRE YEARS, which is how long he and I had been together, I feel…FREE😀 It took courage. A LOT of therapy. Some unlearning and relearning. And grace for myself.
There’s so much life left, on the other side of what felt like DEATH. I’m literally a LIVING, BREATHING, VIBRANT testimony of this!
The Off-White 4’s are also a testament to how imperfection, can still be a work of art. Crafted by it’s creator, FOR A PURPOSE, ON PURPOSE!
Below is a complete breakdown of my “threads”:
Jacket: From Levi’s (Tan)
Pants: From Target (Cream)
Shirt: From Urban Outfitters (Tan)
Socks: From Amazon (Velvet Crush-Green)
#KICKS: Off-White Jordan 4’s from StockX (Sail)
Please note that if you’re looking to purchase these kicks, you’re looking to spend a stack ($1,000). But they are definitely worth EVERY PENNY! Although they are SEEMINGLY imperfect, they are still perfect for me. Just like we all are, as God’s children❤️
Good God, Good Shoes,
-SneakHERHead
